Almost…
Almost….
For crying out loud, I’m almost….
It’s post-holiday so I’m almost too large to fit in my pants.
I’m almost packed for a move that I’m almost sure is going to happen.
I’m almost old-people (my kids are calling me the Crypt Keeper these days)
I’m almost done the third page of my firstborn’s scrapbook…the day we brought him home from the hospital. He’s a freshman in college now. I’m almost sure it’s not going to get done until the grand baby comes home from the hospital. That page.
And up until now, I’ve been almost ready to post my first blog.

My life has recently been a lot of almosts.

It’s living life on the edge….of sorts. Being right up to almost jumping or falling off or something, but not quite getting past the edge. So, almost…

My family likes to vacation in Maine. We like remote, so we opted to go to the North Woods the last few years. A few summers ago, we stayed on Wilson Pond, near Moosehead Lake, in Greenville. Yes, you can regularly have encounters with monstrous moose. I swear you’ve never seen anything so ridiculously funny-looking in all your life. Wilson Pond is beautiful, icy cold, clear and deep. Along the edges, it has huge, round boulders that are perfect for reading a great book in the sun….or jumping off…into the icy cold, clear deep water. There’s this one jumbo-sized rock across the lake that is the ultimate jumping platform. Nice place to park the kayaks, rounded and perfect for spectator seating at the top. Perfectly clear, very deep water off the lakeside edge. An easy climb out of the lake and back up to the launchpad. And about an 6 to 8′ exhilerating fly zone. My three kids begged and after careful inspection, I let them happily leap. They were thrilled. Even my littlest blond-haired, freckle-faced leapt with great joy. Over and over, they jumped. My husband got caught up in it, and he jumped. The next day, my mother and father-in-law kayaked over and they jumped. So, of course Mommy needed to jump too. So I sidled up to the edge, ready to thrust myself off with the same squeals of delight only to have something short-circuit in my brain that would not allow my body to obey what my mind was telling it to do. I counted 1, 2, 3 not once, but….uh….can’t tell you how many times. I logically went through the facts. My little girl did it, my mother and father-in-law…it’s deep…nothing can happen…it’s safe…it’s fun….they’re all taunting me…just do it….come on….1,2,3….
Nothing. I could not work the jump lever in my brain and so I stood immobilized on the edge….

I stood on the edge for hours. I couldn’t jump off the rock.

Now you have to understand. I’ve wanted to be on Survivor since season 1. I talk about adventure and living life to the fullest. I dream of doing something amazing and crazy. I want to break rules and blow the lid off something….anything. I’ve gotten a reputation in every job for being a rebel and a self-proclaimed risk-taker. My Strengthsfinder says I have “self-assurance” in my top 5. What the heck? I can’t jump off a stupid rock!?

But, I noticed that I’ve had trouble jumping off other rocks….and I stay standing on the edge. Almost… Great. I’m almost a jumper. Almost.

This is my first post. It’s been sort of hard. At this moment, I’m on the edge. I’ve had spectator’s telling me to jump. To do this. Write. But for a long time, I’ve been immobilized, looking out over the fly zone. 1,2,3….okay now…and…now…jump. Good grief. Why is this hard?!

There’s that moment when you throw yourself off anything that you’re vulnerable and you can’t stop what you’ve done. Sort of like when you’ve got the 5-point harness locked in and the roller coaster releases at the top and you have that oh….you know what….moment because you’re not sure what you’ve done. You close your eyes because you can’t decide if you’re having fun or dying. You’re not sure you’ve done the right thing but, you know there’s no turning back. So, sometimes, before you commit, you stand on the edge and try to will yourself off, but….nothing.

To jump or not to jump? That is the question.

It’s hard for some of us. Even though others are jumping happily. We stay perched on the edge. Staying where it feels safe and “almost”…

But God wants us to jump.

He asked the boys to jump their lives and join him as disciples. He asked Peter to jump ship in the middle of a storm. He asked blind people to jump into pools. He asked Paul to jump into culture. He asked others to jump out of theirs. He’s very much into jumping. In every case, it was nuts to jump. They got the thrill of a lifetime and learned a lot when they did.

He’s asked me to jump a few times. Sometimes it’s been little hops that were easy, other times it’s been from 6-8′ boulders… sometimes I’ve had to be pushed off and sometimes….sometimes I just stand immobilized wondering, what the heck?

Note to self: God takes us to places to jump sometimes. It’s clear and safe. Others have jumped before and loved it. Don’t stay on the edge wondering what you would’ve missed. Experience the thrill and see what He wants to show you about Himself, you, or somebody else. Jump off the rock.